Our baby boy was born on February 14 of 2023 (on Valentine’s Day), weighing 5lbs 11oz and measuring 19 inches long.
The Contractions
This birth story started in the morning of Sunday, February 12, 2023. As I began my morning routine, I felt contractions in my lower abdomen. It was like having period cramps, that felt mild but pretty uncomfortable.
When I used the toilet, I noticed parts of my mucus plug. At that moment, fear crept up on me.
I was going to be 37 weeks on Monday. It was a bit nerve-racking because I did not expect to give birth this early.
We decided to monitor the contractions and continued our plan to go to church. We got our daughter and ourselves ready for church.
My husband ensured that the car seat, hospital bag, and our toddler’s bag were ready just in case. Church was not far from home, but we took the bags and car seat with us.
At church, the contractions continued. I couldn’t shake this fear that gripped my gut. I was afraid of the unknown of this labor and birth.
Was it going to get intense soon? Was it going to last hours or days? When will we end up going to the hospital? How would I feel when I had to drop off my baby girl and be away from her for a couple of days?
The contractions did not pick up. They were mild and inconsistent.
We went about our day and went home to finish setting up for baby. We did not have a baby nursery. It’s more efficient to go with the flow of how our home is already set up. For example, a bassinet would go in our bedroom or next to the couch where we can sleep and easily access baby at night (we mostly co-sleep).
Note: I know that co-sleeping is highly controversial in the U.S. (even though most moms co-sleep). I don’t see a problem with it, moms have been doing it forever. However, I recommend you do research and read books, like Safe Infant Sleep by James J. McKenna PhD.
In the evening of that Sunday, I felt a light stream of fluid trickle out of me. MY WATER BROKE. It could have been mistaken for urine, except I knew I didn’t have to use the toilet. Fear took a stronger grip.
Think the black goo from Spiderman (a.k.a symbiote). It attaches & bonds itself to its human host to survive. Unless separated from its host sooner than later, the alien goo becomes stronger and harder to detach.
I was starting to panic. There was a lot that I still had to prepare for baby and me.
Taking a deep breath trying to calm myself, I decided to look for my Always Discreet adult diapers. At least I wouldn’t leak all over the house, haha.
My husband asked me what was wrong as he noticed my mood change. I didn’t want to look weak so I tried to hide it. However, the tears started to fill my eyes and stream down my face. He insisted I tell him what was bothering me.
“We’re not ready yet,” I explained, “and I think my water broke.”
He went into helping mode to find the rest of the postpartum, breastfeeding, and baby things I needed – some of these I was reusing from the last birth.
The contractions were still mild and inconsistent.
We slept through Sunday night. Both of our families were praying for us.
Then came Monday and that day was all waiting. I started to get more fearful as the contractions were not progressing. I knew that if we went to the hospital they would pressure me into interventions since my water had broken.
Note: For years women have been put on a 24-hour countdown from the moment their water breaks. Recently there has been more wiggle room to cater to the specific mom and baby. This allows mom to decide whether to wait longer for labor to begin post-water breaking. They can monitor for up to 48 or 72 hours instead of requiring immediate induction. However, many hospitals and ob-gyn doctors still go by the 24-hours.
I prayed. The fear wasn’t going away. My family suggested we check and see what the doctors recommend, to make sure we’re okay.
I didn’t know what was best to do. All I felt was fear. So, I asked God to let my husband know when it was the right time to go to the hospital.
By about 9 PM, my husband told me we should start getting ready to go. The plan was to drop off our toddler with my in-laws (about 7 minutes away) and then head to the hospital.
I, of course, moved very slowly trying to delay the inevitable, haha.
I was so nervous not knowing what was going to happen. Would they pressure me into interventions? Will they want to do a c-section?
Not to mention, I did not want to be separated from my baby girl. This was the first time we’d be separated for longer than a few work hours.
I HATED the whole situation.
I got dressed, my husband took our stuff to the car, and we left.
At the Hospital
We arrived at the hospital close to midnight. We checked in and were led to triage.
To check if my water broke, three tests were performed. One of these was invasive and it was extremely uncomfortable. I would never do it again.
As we were waiting for the results of these tests & the ultrasound technician, my contractions started to get more intense.
The contractions became more frequent within a few minutes. I decided to get up and try a different position to see if it would help with the extreme pain that I felt. It didn’t.
I hadn’t practiced any pain management techniques prior so I felt trapped by the labor pains. I dreaded the next contraction. I succumbed and requested the epidural.
By 1 AM the contractions were about 3 minutes or less apart. I was at the point where I wanted pain relief. When the ultrasound technician came in I was on the floor on my knees & hands already pushing.
The Pushing
My body was pushing for me. I didn’t even have to think about it except for the fact that it was painful.
The nurse/technician wanted me to get up onto the bed. “I can’t,” I managed to say. My poor husband tried to help me up and I responded “Don’t f***** touch me.”
After the nurse kept insisting that I get on the bed and I could not budge, she suggested that we try between the contractions. That seemed a little more doable – I was able to move with my husband’s help.
Once on the bed, I was on my side still pushing. One of the nurses checked me and said I was 8 cm, “Don’t push yet.”
“I can’t,” was all I could manage.
They were all rushing to get me to the delivery room. They kept telling me not to push yet – but I, honestly, couldn’t care less of their request. My body was ejecting the baby and it felt better to push than not.
It’s like pooping. Your body will force it out.
My body was in pain. My body was pushing. My body knew it was time.
I trusted that God created my body to do what it was supposed to do.
As they rushed me through the hallways to the delivery room I continued to push. I admit that I was getting louder.
Once we arrived, they had me move to a different bed.
DISCLAIMER: I know they were all just doing their jobs. I appreciate the work they do. But I also know that hospitals are businesses, first and foremost. They have their beliefs and I don’t subscribe to all of them. They have a lot of knowledge but it’s often based on old information or limited information — do your research and be prepared so you don’t agree to something you don’t want/have to agree to!
The nurses kept insisting that I lay on my back to get the heart monitor on me. Laying on your back is not an optimal position for labor and giving birth. It increases your risk of tearing and having a difficult delivery. BUT it does work for some women SO trust your “instinct.”
I believe Holy Spirit is better at guiding you during labor than anyone else, so don’t hesitate to ask Him.
“I can’t” I responded – multiple times as I was trying to concentrate on birthing my baby.
One of the nurses asked me to lower my voice as I labored. “Ok, I’ll try” I responded – but couldn’t keep up with that one. So, I was loud again.
They asked if I was ready for the epidural.
“No, I don’t need it” I responded. They asked if I was sure – “Yes”
I am not sure why they would ask at this point when the baby is literally being born.
(My sister gave birth at a different hospital and they denied her the epidural because she was in active labor. She also had cheaper insurance. So, I most definitely think it’s money driven.)
Either a nurse or the doctor asked me to hold the baby after every push to prevent the baby from going back in.
“I can’t” I responded. I was short of breath so it was difficult to hold the baby and try to breathe at the same time.
She threatened to put me on my back if I didn’t. I tried it her way as best I could to spend the least amount of energy pushing. I was getting very tired either way. Her threat was extremely annoying and unhelpful. Her directives were also unhelpful.
Truthfully, what was she going to do – push me onto my back?
I got to the point when I felt a burning sensation – the ring of fire. When I got to this point, I held the baby there for a second and then took as much a deep breath as I could. Then I pushed as hard as I could.
I had to mentally push through the burn because I wanted to stop.
Once the head was out, I just needed one more strong push for the body. I went for it desiring for labor to be over.
Relief.
The Afterbirth
The baby was out! I then laid on my back to finally relax.
The feeling of the umbilical cord hanging out of me was uncomfortable. Birthing the placenta felt so strange and a bit painful for me – some women find it relieving.
Then more discomfort came when they had to work on me – look for tearing, inject the numbing agent, and then stitch me. Thankfully I only tore a first degree!
The doctor was unsure if it was a second or first degree – it seemed to be able to qualify for second but she said it was more of a first degree. I think she was right on this one since I barely felt any pain or discomfort from it afterward.
Everything was happening fast and it was so busy. I believe they put the baby on me shortly after.
I didn’t feel a connection to this baby in that moment just like my firstborn. So, I decided that it’s a normal thing for me – not a big deal. This baby was the new stranger baby. But I loved him.
They cleaned me up and dressed me with the mesh underwear packed with the monster pad and ice pad.
The nurse helped me off the bed and walked me to the bathroom to attempt to pee. I noticed that my bottom felt beat up but not as much as the first birth.
Once on the toilet, I started to shiver uncontrollably. This is normal for many women.
The Postpartum
When we were transported to our postpartum room my husband helped me with the baby as I made my way onto the bed.
I felt great. Tired & hungry and quite a bit sore but great. It was easy in comparison to my first birth with my daughter.
I still used the ice pads provided by the hospital & the peri bottle but I didn’t need to use anything else.
One of the nurses offered to remove the IV on my arm which was a HUGE relief to me. I didn’t want to have it in my arm especially because it starts to dig into my skin after a while. Painful and annoying.
My husband ordered us a pizza. I really enjoyed our little “getaway” for a couple days. But I did miss my baby girl so much. I couldn’t wait to get home to her.
We had the Lactation Consultant come to assist me with breastfeeding. However, all I got was that due to the baby being small and born early it would be a while before he’d figure it out. Not very helpful.
I started pumping consistently every 2-3 hours and was able to produce a lot of colostrum during our time at the hospital. BUT they (the hospital) always want the baby to gain/keep as much weight as possible so we gave baby some formula too.
To get discharged by the hospital we had to make sure we made a pediatrician appointment for that week.
Once we were discharged, the nurse had to ensure the baby was secured into the car seat. Since the baby was so small, she pulled on the car seat strap to tighten it as much as possible.
Both my husband and I were thinking: we’d like to take our baby home breathing, please! Haha.
At Home
Once we arrived home, my husband went to get our girl from his parents’ house. When they made it back home, she was not her usual self. This was understandable since we dropped her off asleep and I’m sure she didn’t understand what was happening.
When she saw her baby brother, she seemed accepting but unsure how to react. After she got used to him, she volunteered many times to help with baby – give him the bottle, throw away the diaper, get the blanket, etc.
Breastfeeding did not work out at all. I pumped at home every 2-3 hours since the baby was not latching. I produced a lot of colostrum and I fed that to the baby.
Eventually, my regular milk came in and my breasts were full. I was happy about this; however, I was unable to get the milk out. I wasn’t sure what to do. My breasts were in so much pain and the pumps were not getting much milk out. I tried hand expression, hand massage, warm massage, etc., and nothing worked.
I still had to take care of both kids by myself since my husband had to work. So, I had to quit trying to breastfeed at all. I stopped pumping and hand expressed to get a little relief.
I grieved the end of my breastfeeding attempt, and truly got relief when my milk stopped producing.
I may have overproduced milk due to the pumping AND/OR the pumping somehow caused my milk-producing “machines” to malfunction. Pumps are, obviously, not baby and are literal machines trying to imitate a baby suction. But I need to do more research on the subject to have a more educated guess.
My body was so out of shape that I had a bit of a hard time when I started working out. I began with core breathing exercises to gain control and engagement from my core muscles & pelvic floor. While my pelvic floor didn’t feel as heavy as with the first birth, it still felt a little heavy so I knew I couldn’t do any high-impact exercises until that was dealt with.
Our son spoiled me. He was an “easy” baby. He woke up twice during the night but all he needed was a diaper change and milk. He then fell back asleep. In the daytime, he woke up, napped, and drank on schedule. I had to take care of the home and my toddler so I did not hold him often.
I used the toddler rocking chair and propped his bottle with a blanket. He drank it and he was never gassy. (FYI, I am not promoting doing this with your baby– this is what I do. You must always supervise your kids, whatever you do).
Sleep deprivation was still a thing but, definitely, less than with my firstborn.
If anything I was mostly mentally drained by other issues, in addition to me caring for the kids.
The Reflection
Overall, I noticed that this postpartum experience was easier than the first.
The first-degree tear was so minimal that it didn’t cause any discomfort. I was mostly sore from giving birth.
Breastfeeding seemed to be as challenging as the first time.
Something that I would like to make sure is on my list for my future births is to have a minimal amount of people in the room. I got a glimpse of the anesthesiologist watching me give birth. He stayed in the room even though he wasn’t needed. It made me uncomfortable and I hate the memory of it. I have to make sure my husband knows so that he can notify whomever the doctor or head nurse is.
Looking back, God was showing me kindness. Despite me being afraid of the unknown of what the birth would be like, God had mercy on me.
He saw that I was going through other big trials. Not to mention postpartum hormones and adjusting to life with a newborn is tough all on its own. Boy has it been a tough journey.
Shortly after (3 months postpartum), I became pregnant again. Whew! Birth Story #3 will be posted shortly.
I hope this was of some benefit to you. Feel free to share your experience or any thoughts you might have about birth! I’d love to hear from you.
Bendiciones <3
